What I Wanted
by chasing tomorrow
Summary: [ sasuxsaku ] She weaved her bloody fingers in his. “We won’t tell, will we?” “No, we won’t, Sakura.” This is our story, Sasuke’s and mine. [ Sequel: Something More ]
1. Courage

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 1: Courage

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

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We buried something here. I step onto the moist soil and feel around for the right spot. Here. Perfect. My figure is silhouetted in the moonlight, and suddenly, it feels like that unforgettable day of my childhood. Our childhood.

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"Brother, why did you kill them all?" Uchiha Sasuke panted as he gazed up at the emotionless figure above him. _Why didn't you kill me too?_

"To test my ability."

"That's all?"

Itachi felt his mask of indifference slip. He looked away from his little brother and slipped into the darkness.

Struggling to his knees, Sasuke's shaking hand reached for the kunai that had been ruthlessly stabbed into his father's back. Carefully extracting it, Sasuke held it close.

"I'm going to kill you."

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Sakura gasped as she slid open the paper door.

Blood, blood, blood.

Why was it everywhere? Why was it all over her parents? Who was it? Who was it?

_Why didn't he kill me?_

Sakura unsteadily withdrew the deadly knife from her mother's neck and gripped it until her own blood mixed with her mother's.

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A girl was twirling a kunai around her bloody finger on a rooftop. A boy seized her arm and was greeted by empty and hopeless emerald eyes. He gazed back with the same emotionless eyes and fingered his blood splattered kunai. Their eyes searched each other until he loosened his grip on her arm.

Pulling away, Sasuke turned his head away as the tears slipped in the moonlight.

"Don't cry, Sasuke. Shinobi's don't show emotions."

Sakura weaved her fingers into his and squeezed his bloody hand. He held onto her hand for the sake of sanity. "Sasuke, was it him?"

"Yes…" Sasuke pressed his fingers deeper into the back of her hand.

Sakura ran her finger up and down Sasuke's tensed knuckles. This wasn't right.

"We won't tell, will we?"

"No, we aren't, Sakura."

------------------------------

I turn my head sadly as I gaze at the raven haired prodigy from across the training grounds. I lean on the tree for support.

There he is. I wonder if he forgot about me that night. We're ten now. He should have forgotten.

I know he wants to.

He knows I'm his weakness. He knows that he's mine.

He also knows he has to kill his brother.

Why does it hurt so much to mean so much but be a burden?

From that night, he always looks away from me when we pass each other in the winding roads of Konoha. I can't give away our secret, so I, too, coldly ignore him.

But it hurts. A lot.

To see all those fangirls swarm around him as if he were a new toy. It makes me sick. And everyday, my heart feels like its dying over and over and over again.

The kunai is always in my pouch. I take it out and twirl it mindlessly around my finger. How did I know that this is our kunai? Because engraved on its handle is a pair of the letter "s."

I notice Sasuke pause in the middle of his intense training and take out a kunai.

I don't know why, but I know that it is the other kunai from that night. Our other kunai. His kunai. Marked exactly like mine.

I don't know whether it's a good thing that he still has it or not. Surely, it will be his downfall, but just to know that I mean more than a passing shadow to him makes me spin my kunai just a little faster.

Suddenly, as I am absentmindedly playing with my kunai and tracing the bark of the tree with my fingertips, Sasuke spots me.

I drop the kunai with a clatter. I pick it up immediately, afraid to lose it.

I don't know whether to run or stay. I don't know if I'm going to hurt the Uchiha by just standing here. I don't know if I'm in the way.

Like a story unraveling in slow motion, he starts his slow and treacherous walk toward my tree. I grab onto a branch, a batch of leaves… anything that will stop me from running away.

Why does that day have to haunt us?

My mind feels like it is about to shatter like a delicate glass vase. But I don't want to let go of this tree. Nine-tenths of my brain tells me to let go, but I don't. Today, that one-tenth of my brain that is selfish can't let go of Sasuke.

He approaches and swiftly reaches the branch that I have become so accustomed to standing on. His weight on the branch feels unfamiliar as he takes slow, deliberate steps toward me.

Our eyes are always intensely piercing each other's, but at the same time, we aren't even seeing each other.

Then Uchiha Sasuke does the unthinkable. For a moment, he lets go of maintaining his absolute defensive wall. He gives into his weakness.

He wraps his arms around my waist.

If this isn't courage, I don't know what is.

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Notes: The storyline is different from the original, but I hope it's not too confusing XD Sakura doesn't chase after Sasuke like a kid, at least. First story : Flames are welcome! Hahahahahhahaha.


	2. Stay With Me

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 2: Stay With Me

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

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_Then Uchiha Sasuke does the unthinkable. For a moment, he lets go of maintaining his absolute defensive wall. He gives into his weakness._

_He wraps his arms around my waist._

_If this isn't courage, I don't know what is._

------------------------------

It feels good to experience Sasuke's warmth brush against my skin. But again, I can tell that this is wrong.

I roughly push him away. "Why did you do that? We don't even know each other!" I scream at him. Maybe he doesn't know that those words hurt me as much as they hurt him, but I don't care. I have to protect our secret.

"Hn," Sasuke glances up at me, but quickly turns his gaze to the horizon.

Just from that glance, I can tell he loathes our secret. In reality, my heart is yearning to tell the whole world about our silent love.

I know I can't.

I know that if anyone were to know about how we tightly gripped each other's hands that night, our downfall would be upon us before we knew what was happening.

If Itachi knew about our love, he would take advantage of Sasuke's weakness – me.

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_Itachi slid into an Uchiha district residence which still held the signs of the recent Uchiha massacre that he had committed. He could feel his brother's chakra._

_That weak, disgusting chakra._

_Sasuke was sitting cross-legged on the tatami mat when he felt a dangerous energy approach behind him._

_Weapon at the ready, Sasuke turned around quickly._

_Fear mixed with hatred filled his eyes as they fell upon a familiar figure._

_Itachi._

_Without a plan, Sasuke foolishly rushed at Itachi, but was quickly stopped as a knife pricked his throat._

_Sharingan focused upon Sasuke's timid face._

"_You're weak, little brother. You can't kill me like that. You have to forget about your weaknesses and come at me with a vengeance."_

_Sasuke silently tried to find his courage. "We're not family. I will kill you someday, Itachi. I swear," Sasuke replied as coldly as he could._

_Itachi smirked, "When that day comes, I won't hesitate to kill you. Your ability is too lacking in strength right now. It disgusts me."_

_Just as Sasuke was planning a thrust to his brother's stomach, Itachi turned and left, leaving only a slight breeze that rustled the leaves outside._

_My weakness…Sakura… I can't let him know._

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The world can't know that Uchiha Sasuke loves Haruno Sakura. Or else a certain Akatsuki member will be here in an instant to slit Sasuke's throat.

It still hurts, but I race away from Sasuke through the trees without even a lingering glance.

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"NE, SAKURA-CHAN!"

My head is still spinning from my encounter with the cold Uchiha, who I call my first love. What if a spy had been watching and, right at this moment, is reporting back to Itachi?

And that Uzumaki Naruto just annoys me to hell.

As calmly as humanly possible, I face the blonde and force a smile, "Yes, Naruto?"

"RAMEN, SAKURA-CHAN! RAMEN!"

I sigh, and, just to make him be quiet, agree to accompany him to the ramen stall.

I watch the ramen-lover slurp down his noodles like a happy hippo. Even though Naruto is irksome and loud, I think of him as a little brother. I never had any male friends until I met Naruto, who immediately thrust out his hand and exclaimed, "I'M UZUMAKI NARUTO! I LIKE YOU!"

My first reaction was shock, but I shook his hand anyway. I vividly remember wondering if I was betraying Sasuke.

From that day on, the jubilant Naruto would always invite me to eat ramen. I spilled out all of my secrets to him, except for the one concerning the Uchiha clan. In fact, I didn't even dare utter the word in public.

After a stack of ten empty bowls, Naruto lets out a happy sigh. He turns to me and pleads, "Sakura-chan, I don't have any money. Will you pay for me?"

At this, my thoughts boil and I hit him roughly on the head, but I pay anyway.

Sisters have to be nice to their brothers.

As we start strolling along the winding, but seemingly straight forward roads of Konoha, my mind unthinkingly drifts back to Sasuke's lingering warmth.

Naruto notices my expression. "Sakura-chan, do you love someone else?" he asks me sadly.

"Of course not, Naruto."

But he can hear my doubt in my own words. "Are you like the others? Do you love that annoying Sasuke?"

It hurts, it hurts. It really does.

"No."

"Then who? You can tell me Sakura-chan!" Naruto's face lights up again.

I laugh, "No one, Naruto, no one."

Every word that flows out of my mouth crushes my heart, but I sustain a smile. I've gotten good at this with Naruto around.

"Good," Naruto says happily. "You're mine, Sakura-chan!"

I hit him on the head playfully. I'm Sasuke's.

------------------------------

On my rooftop, I sit with my arms around my knees. With my right hand, I reach into my weapons pouch and extract the kunai.

Like always when I'm thinking of him, I twirl the knife around my pointer finger idly.

Maybe the moonlight reflected off of my blade. Maybe my kunai rapidly cutting through the air made a whistling sound.

Maybe it was just my imagination.

I feel someone's breath on the back of my neck and I flinch. Without even thinking, I turn around and vainly try to push the intruder off of the building.

No matter how much I attempt to fool myself, I know this is no intruder.

This is Uchiha Sasuke.

I turn so that my back is facing him. I can't control myself if I look him in the eye. "What are you doing here? Are you trying to die? Don't meet me again," I say shortly.

A familiar hand grasps my arm and spins me around. My time stands still, and my heart aches as it skips a beat.

"Sakura, stop being so selfish," he states coolly. "I'm not here to hold your hand anymore. I'm here to tell you something."

My heart beats fast. What is he thinking? Didn't he embrace me just today? I know I don't want to hear the words that slip so easily out of his mouth next.

"I'm leaving this place."

_Please, no. Stay with me._

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Notes: I hope this chapter cleared up some confusions xx Actually, I think I just made everything a lot more confusing. HAHA. I'm sorry if this chapter is really badly written or it has a lot of grammar mistakes or it's really boring! The middle part makes me twitch xx I can tell that this story is going down the path of retardation, so I might just delete it. Hmm… I'll see.

Many thanks to my reviewers : You all made me really want to update!


	3. Team 7

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 3: Team 7

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

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"_Sakura, stop being so selfish," he states coolly. "I'm not here to hold your hand anymore. I'm here to tell you something."_

_My heart beats fast. What is he thinking? Didn't he embrace me just today? I know I don't want to hear the words that slip so easily out of his mouth next._

"_I'm leaving this place."_

_Please, no. Stay with me._

------------------------------

Honestly, I have no idea what to say next.

What I do say is unintelligent and quite annoying.

"… Huh?"

Before I can even finish breathing out my reply, the youngest Uchiha has already turned his back and left me.

I never thought I'd see him again.

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I'm listlessly spinning the kunai around my calloused finger again. I should get out of this habit.

It's been two years, and I haven't seen anything that is remotely related to him.

Uchiha Sasuke.

Konoha has been making "desperate efforts" to find him, but all I see are pathetic humans who could care less about Sasuke.

I want to hurt them, I want to scream at them, I want to tell everyone how important he is to me, but I can't.

It hurts so much inside that it hurts just to breathe.

Before, at least I could watch him from across the training grounds. At least I knew that he was that close to me that I could feel his breath on my skin.

But when I turn around to the breeze of air over my neck on a summer night, my hopeful eyes only find the wind. Not Sasuke.

How could it be so easy to forget me?

Why did he let me suffer by myself?

Why couldn't he just look at me like he loved me that night?

Today is two years from that summer night when a black-haired boy told a pink-haired girl that he was leaving. Today is two years from that summer night when he broke her heart and stabbed her dreams until she was left bleeding.

But today is also the day that she's going to forget about him.

When the breeze greets me today, I don't turn around. I'm not expecting anything, but my body still instinctively tenses and waits. The seconds drag by, but of course, no one is there to grab my arm and fulfill my world with one glance.

I sigh and fling the kunai toward the ominous canopy of trees in the distance and climb off the roof.

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Iruka-sensei is announcing some useless information about being a Genin.

_Screw this. I only want to find Sasuke. I don't need a team._

_Hold on, I said I would forget him._

_But that team is just going to hold me back._

"Team 7…"

Sensei pauses and looks up at me.

Strategies to find Sasuke are involuntarily running through my mind when sensei throws a chalkboard eraser at me.

"OW!"

"Team 7… Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and…"

Sensei pauses again here, but he isn't looking at me this time.

Every individual in the graduating class turns in their seats and crane their necks to stare at a lone boy in the corner.

His face and ink black eyes spill no emotions at all. In fact, he wouldn't be much different if he didn't have a face. When Iruka-sensei asks for his name, the single syllable that leaves his mouth is indescribable.

"Sai."

While the whole class is whispering about the nobody in the corner, I am in shock.

I can just see Sasuke's features all over him. His straight, but gentle facial expression that is well-practiced in hiding feelings. Those skilled hands that are evidently familiar with the touch of a weapon.

Those eyes that I have always been drawn to, but afraid to look into.

Who is he?

------------------------------

Finally, after assigning everyone to their appropriate Genin teams, Iruka-sensei directed each group of three to a separate classroom to wait for their new sensei.

That was three hours ago.

The sun is steadily sinking, leaving a lingering blood red color in the sky. For three hours, Naruto incessantly chattered to me about how happy he was about being on the same team. Somehow, I ignored him for every second of it.

Actually, I know why I could ignore that talking machine.

Sai.

He mesmerized me with his similarity to Sasuke.

_Stop thinking about Sasuke._

Even though my stare did not waver for those three hours, Sai never once looked at me. His soft expression was always toward the ground, as if he were a statue.

Just as Naruto starts complaining that he is thirsty, a sleepy, masked Jounin strolls in.

We are speechless. After three hours of just Naruto and Sai, I thought the rest of the world had been consumed by a huge pit.

"I'll be your instructor. Hatake Kakashi," he states in a monotone.

As he turns to leave, Naruto yells, "KAKASHI-SENSEI! Let's all get to know each other!"

This was how I was introduced to Kakashi-sensei and the nightmares, pain, and sanctuaries of Team 7.

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After much persuasion on Naruto's end to force the mysterious Jounin to properly introduce himself, we seated ourselves on the balcony of the academy.

"I'm Hatake Kakashi. I will be your new instructor. State your likes, dislikes and dreams."

"That's not fair, sensei! You go first!" Naruto pouts.

The masked man smiles in a disturbing way under his tight mask. "What do I like? I like Come Come Paradise. What do I dislike? Hmmm… a lot of things. Dreams…"

As he trails off thoughtfully, I can only hear the scattering of leaves.

For once, Naruto recognizes an awkward situation. "I'll go next! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I like…" He blushes. "Sakura-chan and ramen! I dislike selfish bastards. As for dreams, I'm going to be the next Hokage!" Naruto announces proudly.

My turn.

Don't say Sasuke, don't say Sasuke.

"My name is Haruno Sakura. I like…"

…Uchiha Sasuke.

Something else, something else.

Forget Sasuke, forget Sasuke, forget…

"Sai."

Why can't I think of a better replacement?

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Notes: I never thought I'd be able to write such a long chapter :O

I know some of the quotes don't match what actually happens in the manga, but I'm too lazy to look it up xx And yes, I really do think Sai and Sasuke look alike! It's scary XD

Many many many thanks to all reviewers!

Special thanks to Miss Dace: I'll get to there relationship straight in the end… somehow! Thank you for your uber helpful reviews :D


	4. Words and Emotions

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 4: Words and Emotions

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

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"_My name is Haruno Sakura. I like…"_

…_Uchiha Sasuke._

_Something else, something else. _

_Forget Sasuke, forget Sasuke, forget…_

"_Sai."_

_Why can't I think of a better replacement?_

------------------------------

I try to remain calm as I turn my eyes toward the emotionless puppet seated next to me. His expression is still as raw and gentle as before and I begin to relax.

"Sakura-chan! What about me?"

The invisible hand around my heart loosens its grip as Naruto spills out his words.

The hand leaves completely when I see Kakashi's satisfied expression.

Perfect.

Everyone will think that I am in love with Sai, not Sasuke.

No one will know…

Right?

I clear my throat and continue, "I don't like obnoxious people and I dream to be stronger."

The blonde sitting next to me stares at me quizzically.

"You don't need to be stronger, Sakura-chan! I'll protect you!"

I don't need someone else's protection.

Amused by Naruto's outburst, Kakashi turns to Sai.

However, Sai is oblivious of what is happening around him. If I were to sit as he is, I will probably be complaining in a matter of seconds.

The warm breeze fingers through his hair, and, even though it is just for a second, I am once again captivated by his… Sasuke-ness.

I want to know his secrets, his fears, his pleasures…

His story.

I knew it would be a long way to befriending Sai on that summer day when I was still struggling over an Uchiha, and Sai was still denying his emotions, but I would definitely be successful.

The sakura tree never fails to bloom.

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"Take my lunch."

I stare in disbelief at Sai.

A sentence?

This is a break through.

Naruto, too, is dumbstruck and stares at Sai, then the bento, then at me.

Today, Kakashi-sensei instructed us to eat nothing and attend our first training.

Who knew that bells could be so hard to reach?

I know that Sai had come close more than once. His fingers brushed the bells well over ten times, letting out a beckoning ring. The sound was like hypnotism for me, and my grip on my weapons dropped just to see Sai's sleek form cutting with silent confidence toward his goal.

If only I had that confidence too.

As the sun loomed over us like a dark cloud, sensei gave Sai and me a bento each, but refused to give Naruto any.

If anyone offered Naruto food, everyone would fail.

I have had to suffer through two full minutes of Naruto's endless complaining about his hunger and lust for ramen before Sai silences him with those three words.

Naruto is left with his mouth open in disbelief. "Idiot, we'll fail!" Naruto hisses.

Perhaps "take," "my," "lunch," and "Sai" are the only words Sai can fully pronounce because he has no perceivable reaction to Naruto's panic.

Oh crap.

Kakashi-sensei steps out casually from the shadows of the forest.

"Sai, are you trying to fail?" Kakashi asks slyly.

So maybe I was wrong about Sai only being capable of saying four words.

"Teamwork."

------------------------------

Over the course of the next few days, Naruto and I became even closer as "sister and brother." Kakashi has proven helpful and is always willing to lend me some advice.

On the other hand, I am having no progress at Operation Talk-To-Sai.

He still has not addressed me.

Why is his silence so painful for me?

Unknowingly, I have fallen into the hole of paranoia. Every whisper of the wind or crackle of a branch reminds me of the three times Sai has spoken in front of me. I am falling for him, and it is scaring me.

_Remember, remember, remember._

_Sasuke._

_Forget, forget, forget._

Was I giving into the nine-tenths of my mind that told me that Sasuke and Sakura were impossible?

Why couldn't we be something more?

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Today is a special day. Why? Because today is the first day that I'm training with just Sai.

Sensei is gone in search of the limited edition version of the newest volume of Come Come Paradise. Naruto overdosed on ramen this morning and is now either pleasantly asleep in his bed or having a rather painful time in the bathroom.

So it's just Sai and me.

It's noon break right now and my mind drifts back to the lunch when I heard Sai breathe out his first sentence.

We're sitting together on a thick branch of the tallest tree next to the training grounds.

I trace the bark with my finger.

It's the same as the tree on which Sasuke hugged me.

Courage…

The memory is hazy, but the warmth of Sasuke and the sun against my back is vivid.

A rustling of pages next to me awakens me from my dreamy state, and I shift to see Sai leafing through a small sketch book.

His fingers run through the first half, but when he reaches the middle, the drawings abruptly stop. He frowns.

Expressions?

Impossible.

His fingers start from the back of the sketch book this time and frantically flip the pages until he reaches the painfully white center spread.

In attempt to start a conversation, I shift closer to him on the branch and compliment his simplistic drawings.

The warmth from his body sends my heart racing. It's familiar.

I keep talking to him, elaborating on the drawings and veering off to how they relate to me.

Before I know it, I'm racing through my words.

Where am I trying to go?

I keep running and running, trying to find the goal in my words.

I don't think I can control myself these days.

"… he hugged me and then you know what, Sai? He just left –"

Before I can finish telling my story about Sasuke, whose name I don't mention even in my delirious state, my time stands still.

Sai's warm lips are pressed gently against mine.

The wind tugs the remaining sakura blossoms from the wavering tree.

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Notes: I scare myself when I write about Sai. I seriously did not intend this ending, but it just came out like this. But I wrote so much! –proud- HAHA. This will still be sasusaku fanfiction :D The progress of the next chapter will be on my profile and updated regularly. Just so that you can stalk my writing! Haha just kidding ;D

Many thanks to every single reviewer!

If you reviewed, HAVE A COOKIE.

Most of all, thank you to all my readers for **over 1000 hits**!


	5. Lying Confessions

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 5: Lying Confessions

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

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_Before I can finish telling my story about Sasuke, whose name I don't mention even in my delirious state, my time stands still._

_Sai's warm lips are pressed gently against mine._

_The wind tugs the remaining sakura blossoms from the wavering tree._

------------------------------

Our kiss is chaste, and the sensation is incredibly, and frighteningly, new to me. It is uncomfortable to be twisted around at the waist with Sai leaning into me, his hands placed on the bark next to me, but the wind playing around our connected lips is calming and encouraging.

My dreams of a first kiss were always with Sasuke. The idea of another male in such close proximity was unimaginable and repulsive.

But I don't think Sai was disgusting.

I don't know if I was glad when I pulled away, but I finally realized that something was wrong.

This wasn't Sasuke.

I put my hands on his shoulders as a preliminary action to push him off, but instead, he interprets this as an invitation. Closing in on our already intimate range, Sai shifts so that his arms are wrapped around my waist.

It feels like Sasuke…

I roughly push him. The moment our lips separate, I can feel Sai's hands tense. He closes in again, and whispered in my ear, "Sakura-chan, isn't this what you wanted? Didn't you say you liked me?"

Yes I did. But this isn't the Sai I know. His voice is dripping with sarcasm and malice. It is almost as if…

No way.

Sasuke?

I can hear the Uchiha smirk. He releases his copying jutsu, and the quiet, mysterious shinobi seated next to me transforms into an Uchiha out for revenge.

"W-what are you doing here?" I manage to stammer out with a small degree of bewilderment.

Okay, maybe a lot of bewilderment, because Sasuke's smirk becomes more confident.

"Did you try to forget about me? Sakura…"

------------------------------

It occurs to me that if anyone saw Haruno Sakura sitting comfortably next to a missing nin in the training grounds, suspicions and rumors will arise in hours.

I grab Sasuke's arm and drag him to the very edge of Konoha, avoiding the guards.

Deciding that we are far enough from civilization, I turn around and open my mouth, "Uchiha Sasuke. I can't believe you just came back as if nothing happened and kissed me in broad daylight. Where were you for two years? What about Itachi? What about --"

I would have come up with a thousand reasons of why he shouldn't have come back when Sasuke claims my lips once again.

But this time, I am prepared.

I gather some chakra in my hands and forcefully push him away.

He only smirks.

"Sakura, did you ever love me?"

For once, I don't know what to say. I always thought of the day when Sasuke would ask me if I loved him. But in my thoughts, I had always said, "Yes, I do," with graceful confidence. Unfortunately, this is reality.

I don't know what to say. I want to say yes, but by saying so, I'm saying I don't love him. If I say yes, what will Itachi do? Kill me, kill Sasuke. It's all mixing together now. My mind spins and the world rotates on an imaginary axis as I frantically search for the right answer. I feel like I'm about to throw up, so instead, I run away from my weakness.

I wish I had never hesitated right then.

------------------------------

So what happened to the real Sai?

It turns out he has been calmly sitting with his back against a large oak tree. When I find him, he is peacefully asleep. However, my presence brings him back to consciousness.

"Did you…?"

He simply turns his head and, with a smile, nods.

"The sketch book…?"

He carefully lifts it from its resting place on the ground and holds it up for me to see.

How…? Had Sasuke and Sai been working together? Why had this sketch book been with Sasuke?

Hesitation.

"The kiss…?"

Sai's soft expression doesn't disclose a word to me.

Instead, his feelings flow out silently as he leans forward…

Again?

He brushes a leaf from my hair and stands up effortlessly. Sai's emotionless eyes gaze down at me and he extends his arm to help me up. As soon as I grasp his hand and began using our combined strength to stand up, Sai opens his mouth to me once more.

"Sakura-san… I think… I like you… maybe… probably."

So many words, so many confusions.

Is it just a lie?

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Notes: I really hate this chapter. It just went in a complete circle DX I really couldn't think of anything else though. Maybe the end of this story will come sooner than I thought. Haha. I promise that this is NOT A SAISAKU FIC. Promise, promise, promise :D

Sai's line at the end is actually from the Japanese drama 1 Litre of Tears starring Erika Sawajiri and Ryo Nishikido. I just… really liked that line. HAHA.

glomps reviews yum XD


	6. Quiet Passion

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 6: Quiet Passion

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

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_Sai opens his mouth to me once more._

"_Sakura-san… I think… I like you… maybe… probably."_

_So many words, so many confusions._

_Is it just a lie?_

------------------------------

I'm in pure shock.

First, the Sasuke-Sai kisses me and reveals his identity. Now, the Sai-Sai says he likes me… or maybe he doesn't?

My brain is so tired that all I can do is look away. Not today, I can't handle something like this today. It was all a mistake. I have trapped myself in a corner and now the walls are closing in.

Fortunately, Sai acknowledges my silence and saunters off, oblivious that I have once again sunken to my knees.

I clutch my pink hair in a vain attempt to make my mind work again.

"_Did you try to forget about me? Sakura, did you ever love me?"_

------------------------------

Naruto, who recovered from his ramen poisoning, was the one who found me in my desperate state. By the time he reached over to comfort me, my face was streaked with salty tears and my hair was a tangled wreck. When I saw Naruto kneeling next to me, I flung my arms around his strong neck and cried and cried and cried.

"Sakura-chan…"

All I can do is hiccup as a reply.

"Let's go get some ramen."

Although he sounds like his normal cheerful self, I can hear the bitterness and sympathy in his smile. With his caring hands, Naruto helps me brush my hair and wash my face so that I still look decently presentable in public.

We reach the ramen stall just as the sun dyes the sky a deep crimson. My tears fall soundlessly now, staining the steaming ramen soup with sorrow. Naruto is unusually quiet as he watches me. Finishing his only bowl of ramen, he reaches his hand across the table. I flinch as his skin comes in contact with mine, but he doesn't withdraw.

"Sakura-chan, what is it? Who was it? Was it Sai?" His grip on my weak hand tightens.

I shake my head slowly, but then vigorously nod. If I were to say it was someone else, Naruto will go to all extremes to find out who has turned me like this. I still have to protect Sasuke…

My teammate looks away and out the window, knowing that I am obviously lying. For the first time since I met him, he looks mature and lonely, no longer emotionally invincible.

Do I even know him?

It scares me to think like this. Was my whole life just a lie that I told myself?

The sky is still bleeding red.

After an eternity, I stumble back to my residence with Naruto's support. I smile, "You can go now, Naruto. Thanks for the ramen."

He hasn't let go of my hand yet.

"Sakura-chan, you know you can ask me for help any time."

"I know I can. You're my best friend, Naruto."

Naruto looks down at the weeds growing out of the cracks of the road and kicks them.

"Sakura-chan… Have you ever thought of me as more than a friend?"

"A brother?"

He raises his head and looks me in the eye. I expect him to say something more, but he simply releases my hand and, with a smile pasted on his face, walks away.

I'm starting to realize Naruto and Sai are of the same kind. They hide their feelings behind a thick mask of contentment.

------------------------------

The next day, I attend training even though I know confronting Sai will be awkward.

"Sakura-chaaaaaaaan!"

I turn around to see Naruto racing up the hill to the training grounds. I answer him with a wave and a smile. Even though he trips on a rock on the way up, he quickly collects himself and continues his run up the slope. It hurts to know that someone like me doesn't even have the courage to do that.

As usual, Kakashi-sensei is forty-five minutes late, which means forty-five minutes of Naruto's tireless mouth-flapping and Sai's intense grass-watching.

"Listen up. Today we're working on chakra control. Concentrate your chakra, walk up this tree, and you pass for today. I'll be watching." Finishing his thirty-second explanation, sensei buries his face in one of his perverted books.

"What kind of instruction was that?!" Naruto asks in anger.

"Just do it," Kakashi answers monotonously, not bothering to look up.

Naruto grumbles some more and selects a tree.

"Three… Two… One!"

He races two steps up the tree, only to be pulled back to the ground by gravity.

"Ow!" Naruto rubs his head and turns to me. "That was fun, Sakura-chan! Try it with me!"

I can't resist his smile and take a running approach at the tree. As soon as my chakra-filled feet sense the familiar texture of wood, I use all my concentration to reach the top branch. The wind rushing through my hair as I race with myself is refreshing, but the ride is all too short.

Before I know it, my feet are already planted on the high branch. The light breeze caresses my soft skin as I look down at the awestruck faces of my team members below.

"Sakura-chan, you're amazing!" Naruto calls up to me.

I resist the urge to see Sai's reaction.

Sensei lowers his book just a little as he glances up at me. The wind carries his approval to me, "Well done, Sakura." Then he resumes his interest in the pages of his book.

If only Sasuke could have seen.

I hold my proud expression as I quickly scan the surrounding area for a sign of Sasuke. Any sign.

Only the wind greets me.

------------------------------

The sun is setting and Naruto still has not accomplished the task sensei assigned to us. Kakashi, upon receiving news that the new shipment of Come Come Paradise arrived at 3 P.M., promptly left Naruto to practice and ordered me to keep track of his progress. Sai finished only twenty minutes into training. He joined me on the soft grass in the spotlight of the sun.

For the past six hours, I have been cheering Naruto on, just to avoid conversation with Sai. However, I forget that I am human too, and now, my throat is tired and hoarse.

"Fighting… Naruto… Fighting…" I say in a dazed voice. I'm sure Naruto can't even hear my support now.

I pant from excessive oxygen use and lean back, using my elbows for support.

Sai's hypnotic gaze is still transfixed on a blade of grass. I'm grateful, but at the same time, I wish he would say something to me.

"Water… I need water…" I hear Naruto moan as he lies on the grass. He slowly picks himself up, and like a lost child, walks around the clearing in a daze in search of liquid.

I laugh and stand up to deliver water to him.

However, a calloused hand grasps my thin wrist just as Naruto faints from lack of moisture. I let out a pathetic scream as the hand jerks me down.

Before I have time to fight back, Sai is on top of me and captures my lips with a quiet passion. When I feel his warmth against me, I immediately relax.

Maybe this is Sasuke again…

Self-deception is sweet.

And I kiss him back.

_Ne… _

_Sasuke-kun… _

_On that summer night..._

_This is what I wanted._

------------------------------

Notes: I was actually considering to end the whole thing with this chapter. But I decided it would be way too incomplete and rushed :D I really like setting this story in summer oo;; I don't know why XD

Thank you for so many juicy reviews! I was considering to delay this chapter, but reviews are such great motivation :D

Thanks to all readers for **over 2000 hits**!


	7. Servant and Master

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 7: Servant and Master

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

------------------------------

Notes: I'm putting the notes in the beginning just this once because I need to clear up some stuff. I noticed how unorganized and confusing this story is, so I'm just going to state the basic stuff XD I don't know how to incorporate it into the story anymore without confusing everyone more. I'm so sorry that I failed at fixing these things before D:

**Itachi killed Sakura's and Sasuke's families, except for himself of course. Sakura's and Sasuke's relationship before Itachi's killing spree? Just read this chapter and you'll see :D**

**Sakura and Sasuke can't be together because their love will be their weakness, which Itachi will take advantage of. For example, Itachi could disguise to be Sakura during a fight with Sasuke and Sasuke would instinctively go easier because you know, I don't think he would really want to beat the crap out of the person he likes. So they can't tell anyone or hint at their relationship at all, or else Itachi might find out and take advantage of the fact, leading to Sasuke not accomplishing his goal of killing his brother and probably being killed in the process. I think this is the most confusing, but crucial, part of the whole story, so if you still don't get it, I'll be happy to explain it again :D**

**So what's the whole Sai-Sakura-Sasuke relationship? And where did Sasuke go? The sketch book? HUH?! You'll just have to keep reading ;D**

Any more confusions? Leave it in a review :D

Happy reading and thanks to all reviews and readers!

------------------------------

_Before I have time to fight back, Sai is on top of me and captures my lips with a quiet passion. When I feel his warmth against me, I immediately relax._

_Maybe this is Sasuke again…_

_Self-deception is sweet._

_And I kiss him back._

_Ne… Sasuke-kun… On that summer night... This is what I wanted._

------------------------------

Maybe I should have searched for more traces of Sasuke.

Just as I am closing my eyes to the pleasant breeze, I feel a sharp change in temperature as a shadow hovers over us.

Slowly, reluctantly, I open my eyes to an…

Enraged?

Smirking Sasuke.

His eyes are filled with sharingan as he roughly kicks Sai off of me. Sai maintains his aura of calm through the pain that the sudden attack should have caused him.

"Sakura, what are you doing? I thought you were more than those shallow girls who only care about looks. This guy doesn't even look at me, so what are you doing?" he asks bitterly in obvious anger, completely ignoring Sai.

I bite my lower lip, stopping the tears from coming out. Two years can change anyone.

"Who says that I'm only limited to you?" I retort in a similar manner.

I secretly hope that my words stung him, but Sasuke has always been exceptional in hiding everything. He laughs, "So you mean these two years were just a waste?"

It's my turn to be sliced by his words. What has he been doing these two years anyway?

"It was for us."

Even though he doesn't linger, even though he doesn't even look at me, I still wish I could take back my words.

I hug myself in mental agony.

I feel two arms fold around me, but I don't withdraw. It's only Naruto.

------------------------------

Ramen. Again.

It's funny how whenever something Sasuke-related happens, Naruto and his ramen are always there to my rescue.

This time, the atmosphere is light-hearted and I can hear the bustling streets of people outside. I attempt a start at a conversation.

"So how did you wake up from your death-from-thirst?"

"I wasn't dead!" Naruto pouts. "Sakura-chan was too slow so that quiet jerk had to refresh me."

I laugh uncomfortably.

Fake.

After an uneasy five-minute silence, Naruto asks me that dreaded question again.

"Who was it, Sakura-chan?"

Slurp.

"What do you mean, Naruto?"

"You know what I mean."

Slurp.

I hesitate and shift in my seat in distress.

It would help if Naruto would stop slurping his ramen.

"It was…"

Under the table, I dig my fingernails into my palm.

Slurp.

"Um…"

I bite my lower lip.

Slurp.

"That…"

The slurping of fresh ramen across the table from me halts abruptly. Naruto slams his chopsticks down and jumps up from his seat. In that split second, the whole restaurant is focused on us.

"Naruto… stop it," I plead uselessly.

"Sakura-chan, why can't you ever trust me? I thought we were friends. Is it that hard to tell me?"

He reaches across our distance and shakes my shoulders roughly.

"Naruto, we are friends. Now can you please sit down?"

"Can't you see how much I try for you? I take in all your lies, but you know, it's not that easy. Am I just a toy? Am I just something for you to use? Because if that's the case, Sakura, I guess we could never be..."

His mouth hangs open, unable to form the next words. Giving me one last glance of betrayal, the usually happy troublemaker storms out of the restaurant, leaving shocked stares in his wake.

Is Sasuke worth losing Naruto?

Is Sasuke worth…

Losing Team 7?

------------------------------

I trudge my feet along the dirt road leading to my residence. Why did I fall for Sasuke? Why does this one person hurt me so with such simplistic words? Love is selfish. It steals away friends, trust, and contentment for the sake of that one person. One person isn't the world. One person is just a person…

Right?

Right.

I slowly rub my bare forearms as the night breeze settles in. I suddenly realize the silence and heavy atmosphere that surrounds me. Where am I? I blink a few times, accustoming my eyes to the approaching darkness.

The Uchiha district.

This is where our story really began.

------------------------------

The streets of the Uchiha district was filled with welcoming smiles and greetings, but all I saw were people who lived in their own little self-centered world.

This place reeked of arrogance. It was disgusting and filthy until…

"Ah…!" I exclaimed shortly as my wide forehead met with the shoulder of a young boy who was about my age.

I was taken aback and horrified.

"Ah… ah… ah… Sasuke-sama, my apologies."

I hated how I had to use formal speech with people who already have an overflowing ego, but this was the only way to survive for me.

"Hn."

Those eyes I hated so much glared right through me.

Just as I was about to hurry off again on my errand, his hand dug into my arm.

"Tell me… What's your name again?"

"Haruno Sakura," I announced with no hint of pride.

I could hear his smirk even if I couldn't see it. However, he still didn't relinquish my arm.

"Haruno… Don't forget to clean my weapons."

That bastard.

------------------------------

Who would have known that the servant girl who hated her master would fall in love with him?

Does anyone know if he fell in love with her?

Of course not.

Not even I, Haruno Sakura, who spent her life struggling higher on the social and academic ladder, am absolutely sure of the answer to that question. I would love to say "Yes" like all those other brainwashed fools who believe in words, but this time I won't be weak. I won't fall back to be someone who Uchiha Sasuke has the right to smirk at.

The abandoned streets of the Uchiha district are eerily familiar. There, where the deliciously sweet buns were sold. Across the street, where I tripped and scraped my knee. And at the very heart of it all, here, the house I served.

I trace the all too familiar door frame design with my slender fingers. I haven't been to this place since the night before the massacre. Even now, I believe I can step into the house and be greeted by the unrevealing glances of Sasuke's family.

I imagine carrying in buckets of water from the river during a water shortage. I imagine panting as I return with the firewood for the night. I imagine seeing Sasuke happily riding on the back of his loving brother after a day of intense training. It all fits together so perfectly, but like a delicate blossom, is trampled easily.

The mystery of the house beckons me through the front door, but just as I am slipping in, a strong hand filled with a sense of self-esteem pulls me back from the stench of death.

"What are you doing?"

It's Sasuke.

"Sasuke… Itachi…" I need to tell him that he has to leave, but I don't want to. Why does this have to happen every time?

A frown spreads across his perfectly proportioned face. The moonlight falls just right so I can see all of his features.

"Sakura… It doesn't matter now. I can kill him. We can kill him."


	8. Impossibility

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 8: Impossibility

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

------------------------------

"_Sasuke… Itachi…" I need to tell him that he has to leave, but I don't want to. Why does this have to happen every time?_

_A frown spreads across his perfectly proportioned face. The moonlight falls just right so I can see all of his features._

"_Sakura… It doesn't matter now. I can kill him. We can kill him."_

------------------------------

Shock.

Why is it that every time I see him, his words always have the power to tug at my heart?

Will it be all over? Can there finally be a Sakura with a Sasuke?

And we won't have to hide it anymore?

A smile plays on my lips. "Impossible," I say bitterly. It's too good to be true.

"It's possible."

Sasuke grabs my shoulders in anything but a romantic way. "The five elements."

I smile. I know what he wants now.

"Chakra is based on the five elements: fire, wind, water, earth, and lightening," he counts on his fingers. "I control fire and lightening. And you…" Sasuke trails off.

I clear my throat, "Wind and earth."

A smile teases the corners of his mouth. "The weakness is water."

Water is the most flexible element. It can cross the greatest barrier through the smallest crack. It can flow to places unknown to man. It's flowing, free, and almost alive.

But Sasuke is guessing that Itachi will only have limited control over water, at the most, because of the Uchiha blood that runs in his veins. Uchiha. Fire.

We found the last piece of the puzzle, but I didn't know until now that the piece we were foolishly holding was only a twisted illusion.

------------------------------

Hah… hah…

I struggle to stay on my feet.

The Uchiha gives me his signature smirk. He is recognizably exhausted and sweating profusely from the intense training that we secretly arranged in the forest.

"I'm not done yet." It's my turn to smile.

"Come at me," he drawls, switching to a ready stance.

According to Sasuke, I'm not even half as strong and receptive as him. Well, of course not, but Sasuke is still unsatisfied.

For the past two years, he has been training with the criminal Sannin, Orochimaru. From the beginning, Sasuke knew Orochimaru's intensions of using a Sharingan carrier as a vessel. Over-confident as usual, Sasuke pretended he was oblivious and persistently grew stronger, unexpectedly killing Orochimaru one day.

I can tell that there's something missing from this story, but I trade the truth for bliss.

Our weapons clash as we meet each other in the air. I begin to retreat to the ground, so Sasuke chases after me. However, I rebound off the canopy of trees and, using the added momentum, meet him halfway through the air. Even though my move is unexpected, Sasuke easily blocks my attack.

"Too weak," I hear him murmur under his breath.

I swiftly wipe the blood slowly trickling from my lip.

The sakura blossom is enduring.

------------------------------

"Sakura-chan… what have you been doing?" Naruto asks me curiously.

I had staggered back to the civilized heart of Konoha before finally collapsing on a bench at nine in the star-filled evening. Again, Naruto was the one to find me and tend to my injuries.

Even though Naruto's words are kind, I can't help but note the betrayal they carry. Ever since the incident at the ramen restaurant, our relationship has been strained and awkward. Conversations last about ten seconds at the best and when our eyes meet, we quickly look away. I haven't heard the obnoxious slurping of noodles across the table for an excruciatingly long time.

"Um…" I hesitate. Keep smiling. "I've been training on my own. I feel a lot more focused by myself."

"Ne, really Sakura-chan? Invite me, will you?" His voice drips in sarcasm.

"Naruto… stop it."

"Stop what, Sakura-chan?"

I turn my gaze out the window. Is Sasuke worth it? The intensity of the question overflows my mind and the persistent headache crawls back to rest in my brain.

Deciding on the best course of action, I rise from the ground with the help of my hands. Before heading out the door, I twist my head just a few degrees.

"Sorry," I whisper.

------------------------------

Another tiring day of training. Today is day fifteen of nonstop intense training, and today I finally, finally outwitted an Uchiha.

We lay on the soft and welcoming grass, both exhausted from sparring.

"Sasuke…" I breathe.

He grunts through his equally heavy inhaling.

"What's the next step?"

"We think of a jutsu that can use our four elements."

I turn on my side so that I'm facing him. His eyes are peacefully closed, but his frown marks that he is still awake. My desire for him is tightening around my body, but I resist.

"Sasuke… Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Hn."

"Where are you staying everyday? You can't exactly walk through Konoha everyday when you've been missing for two years." It occurs to me that it is quite odd that Sasuke always leaves for "home," when there is no home in Konoha he can live in comfortably. It also occurs to me…

How come no one's noticed his presence?

"Ah…" He pauses for what seems like a lifetime and squints upwards at the darkening sky. "Orochimaru…"

"Yes?" I ask, trying to hide how eager I am.

"… I didn't kill him."

Impossible.

------------------------------

Notes: One more confusion. How old are Sasuke and Sakura when everything happens?

**Uchiha Massacre – They're both somewhere before ten. HAHA. I'm thinking about eight or nine. Of course, I'm pretty sure in the manga, Sasuke is somewhere closer to ten when it happens. But that's ok. Let's just pretend.**

**Sasuke hugs Sakura and leaves – Both ten**

**Now – Twelve (Sakura is a Genin, and Sasuke would be, but he never actually graduated from the Academy, so… I don't know? XD)**

**Therefore, Sasuke left Sakura two years ago to go train with Orochimaru! Yay!**

I seriously need to elaborate on that Orochimaru part. It sounds like Sasuke went on a field trip or something with him XD Again, I really hate this chapter.

But thanks for so many supportive reviews:D


	9. Betrayal

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 9: Betrayal

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

------------------------------

"_Ah…" He pauses for what seems like a lifetime and squints upwards at the darkening sky. "Orochimaru…"_

"_Yes?" I ask, trying to hide how eager I am._

"… _I didn't kill him."_

_Impossible._

------------------------------

A surge of power rose in my body like a wave as I stood up. "What did you say?" I say with trembling hands balled into fists.

Sasuke's eyes are closed again. "I didn't kill him."

I know my words are selfish and all I sound like is a whining, immature child, but I can't help myself. "Why do you have to lie to me? Why don't you tell me the truth about yourself for once? You told me you loved me, but then you left me. You told me you killed that disgusting Orochimaru, but you didn't. You told me we can work together; you told me we could be together; you told me it would all be ok, but I don't know if I can believe you anymore. Why do you have to keep hurting me? Why…" I rant until the tears choke and close my vocal chords. I want to hurt him, I want to mutilate him…

I want to love him.

Sasuke's eyes are still covered from me, but his eyebrows are furrowed in frustration.

He stands up slowly, towering over me. His lightless eyes steadily glare down at me. "You're annoying."

As his figure disappears down an obscure path out of Konoha, I swallow my painful tears and scream, "You jerk, Uchiha Sasuke!" The unstoppable water flows ceaselessly down my cheeks and drips onto the lush grass, reflecting the disappearing sunlight.

------------------------------

I didn't see Sasuke for another five years. In the back of my mind, I knew it was immature of me to still expect him to bother training with me, but I was too stubborn to admit that Sasuke could probably kill Itachi by himself. It scared me to think that in these two years, Itachi was growing stronger by the day, and Sasuke was in continuous danger of being consumed by Orochimaru.

The spirit of Team 7 was never completely revived. Naruto's coldness towards me continued, but only in his actions. When I fell, he didn't bother to help me up. When we sparred, he had no mercy. Whenever we were alone, he went to all lengths to ignore me. However, around anyone else, he was still his crazy, cluelessly happy self.

The selfish urge to share my pain in words with someone was like a monster raging through my body. I couldn't stop or resist it. I had to talk to someone. Someone who was completely oblivious of my situation, someone who would listen without interrupting, someone who could silently absorb my immaturity. That someone was Sai.

My relationship with Sai hasn't changed much. He is still silent unless forced to say something, but I always try to initiate a conversation with him anyway. However, he has not advanced on me after Sasuke roughly kicked him in the stomach.

But I like how I could interpret Sai's persistent silence as an invitation to rant.

The tears stream down my face as I choke out my story. "He was always lying to me; I couldn't trust him…"

Hiccup.

"I can't believe him…"

Hiccup.

"That… that… jerk."

Perhaps Sai has gone to sleep, because he is sitting cross-legged with his eyes softly closed. I stop talking, but continue to hiccup.

Sai picks his words carefully, trying to use the smallest number of words possible. "That boy five years ago?"

I nod. Sai doesn't know his name, so Sasuke's visit is still a secret from the village. Besides, I doubt Sai would have bothered to say anything to anyone about the incident anyway.

I nod my head deliriously in between hiccups.

"Find him."

"I can't… I don't have the courage."

"Sakura, is this what you wanted?"

_Sakura, is this what you wanted?_

"Sakura, come over here."

I follow Sai deep into the forest to a beautiful clearing. I can't help but gasp at the swaying high grass and trickling spring. Has this place always existed?

Sai walks over to a large tree in the middle of the gorgeous, untouched land. He smiles.

"Sakura, do you want to know a story?"

I can tell that this is the only time Sai will ever say more than two sentences to me, so I eagerly respond, "Yes."

"There were once two brothers. They were so close; they did everything together. Then one day, the older brother turned and left, leaving his family in the sleep of death except for his brother. You know what his little brother wanted? He wanted revenge, and he got it."

I am silent. "Are you talking about… him?" I mean Sasuke.

"No, I'm talking about me." Sai smiles at me and feels the soft bark with his fingertips.

"The sketch book?"

"The middle page was supposed to be me and my brother together."

"Oh," I reply awkwardly. I don't know what to say. I want to know more about Sai's past, but I don't want to push him.

The serene smile on Sai's face never ceases.

"Sakura," he says abruptly.

"Hm?"

He passes me a paper. "Write down what you think about me. I'll write what I think about you."

This is weird, but I agree anyway.

Quickly, I write:

_Sai, who are you?_

Folding it up neatly seven times, I wait for Sai to finish. Obviously, he writes a lot more than me, but I don't let it bother me. Then, he pushes our letters together into a tube.

"Promise me, when he gets revenge, read my letter."

And then he left.

------------------------------

I make up my mind to find Sasuke, but first I have to say goodbye to the two remaining members of Team 7.

I find Naruto, unsurprisingly, in the ramen house. At the sight of my silhouette in the doorway, the noodle halfway in his mouth plummets back into the soup. I smile and sit down across from him.

"Naruto…"

Not knowing what to say, I simply smile and pay his ramen bill for him.

"Sorry."

"That's okay, Sakura-chan."

"Friends?"

"Why can't we be more?"

"Because friends are forever."

With that, I stand up and walk out of the warm restaurant.

Next, I find Kakashi in a restricted bookstore. Stealthily, I sneak in and tap him on the shoulder.

"Ah… Sakura."

"Sensei, thank you."

------------------------------

The next day, I ditch Team 7 training for the first time since its formation. I am betraying my team; I am betraying Konoha.

But finally, for once, I'm not betraying myself.

I set off on a journey that takes more courage than I have. I choose a winding path that threatens to lead back to where I began, but I follow it anyway. It is my first time away from Konoha for a reason other than just a mission. I trick myself constantly, telling myself that I have the determination and strength, but inside, I am still the weak twelve year old Sakura.

Through mental and physical agony, I follow subtle clues and hints I pick up from various villages. After a half year of frantic searching, I come upon Orochimaru's hideout. Seeing the rundown building, I am excited, but right when I leave the warmth of the labyrinth of trees, all I see is darkness

------------------------------

I awake sleepily with my cheek pressed against a cool, stone surface. I shift, finding that my makeshift bed is solid, cold, and uncomfortable. I sit up. Where am I?

From my surroundings, it seems as if I am in a chemistry lab. Potions in varying tubes, bottles, and glasses surround me. I shiver and rub my upper arms quickly, trying to create a warm bubble around myself. Despite the dim lighting, I detect a grey haired man pouring together a mixture across the room.

"Ah…" I hesitate.

However, the sound waves bounce around the room, causing my voice to echo eerily.

The medic slowly turns around to face me after drying off his hands and smiles pleasantly. "So, you're awake," he says in an over-confident voice. I twitch in annoyance.

"You're Haruno Sakura. Call me Kabuto."

I blink a few times, trying to awaken my still sleepy mind. Kabuto… Why is the name so familiar?

"If you're wondering, you're in the residence of Orochimaru."

That was it. Orochimaru's assistant that Sasuke had mentioned.

Sasuke…

My mind suddenly leaps.

"Where's Sasuke?" I ask frantically.

"Fiesty are we?" Kabuto laughs. "Alright, I'll bring you to your beloved Sasuke."

------------------------------

My heart pounds as we walk down the endless corridor. Even though the building looks ruined from the outside, the inside looks decent.

As Kabuto, who is walking ahead of me, pauses and turns towards a door, my footsteps quicken.

Five years… Sasuke. The memories overflow my tired brain and I struggle to stay conscious. Just a little more…

Kabuto turns the doorknob ever so slowly and carefully, smirking the entire time.

The door swings open, and we are greeted with a room filled with the presence of Sasuke. The tense and determined atmosphere engulfs me as my eyes open wide to the sight of the only man I've ever looked at.

Uchiha Sasuke.

After Kabuto leaves us to "reminisce about the old times," Sasuke doesn't even bother to look at me and continues to sharpen his weaponry.

"Itachi…" I begin.

"I killed him."

"… What?"

"I didn't need your help. I was strong enough with two elements."

"What about Orochimaru?"

"He's taking over my body in a month."

"Aren't you going to do something?" I ask desperately. I can't lose Sasuke to a snake.

"I don't have a purpose anymore. I don't need to do anything, just satisfy Orochimaru."

Using all of my strength, I stop the tears from coming out. I take in the contents of the room. A bed… a desk… On top of the desk… the sketch book. My eyes are riveted to the cover and, involuntarily, I walk over and examine it. Seeing my interest in his personal possessions, Sasuke snatches the book from my view.

"Get out, Sakura."

"What is that?"

"Get out of my room."

"What is that?"

Sasuke agitatedly sighs. "What does it look like?"

"A sketch book."

"There you go."

"Why do you have it?"

His mouth opens, but no words came out. Finally, he collects himself and faces me. "Itachi and…"

"Sai…" I whisper.

"What?" He grabs my arm roughly. "Sai? How do you know him? Where is he?" Sasuke frantically asks.

"Sasuke…" Seeing this as an opportunity, I ask him, "Why do you two have the same drawings?"

"I drew this as a child. The center page was supposed to be Itachi and me together."

It's all falling into place now. Except one thing. How are Sai and Sasuke related?

"Sakura, tell me. Where is he?"

"Konoha. We're on the same Genin team."

"Hn."

I can tell that Sasuke is already rapidly losing interest in the topic of Sai.

"Can I ask you something, Sasuke?" The tears are so close. Just a little more. This question is a million times more important than anything about Sai.

"Hn."

"What about us?"

Itachi's dead. Sasuke and Sakura together… It's all sinking in. We can tell now. Right, Sasuke-kun?

"There was never an us."

Suddenly, he raises the kunai that he has been sharpening. In the light filtered through the window, I see that it is inscribed with two interlocked S's.

And he stabs me in the heart.

------------------------------

Notes: The finale will be the next chapter :D Yay, I even have it all planned out! I'm totally rushing the ending XD Finally, this annoying and confusing story will be over! Sorry about the OOC for Sai and Sasuke. I couldn't help it xx;; Ahhh… This is the longest chapter I've ever written :3


	10. The Letter

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 10: The Letter

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

------------------------------

"_There was never an us."_

_Suddenly, he raises the kunai that he has been sharpening. In the light filtered through the window, I see that it is inscribed with two interlocked S's._

_And he stabs me in the heart._

------------------------------

The pain sears through my entire body. My eyes start to glaze over, but I fight back the urge to sleep.

"Why…" I ask softly between gasps of pain.

Sasuke's eyes are unmoving, but a tear cascades down to his chin.

"Because I couldn't do anything else for you."

He sharply pulls the weapon out of my body, but the pain remains. Droplets of blood mixed with tears fall to the stone floor with an echoing splash.

"Sasuke-kun… the clan…"

"Sai will take care of that."

"Sasuke-kun… us… never…"

My breath comes slowly and painfully now. I put a hand to my chest and manage to heal the wound slightly before a new onslaught of pain takes over me. I drop to my knees into the growing puddle of crimson. Hearing my struggle, Kabuto steps into the room.

"Orochimaru will be proud, Sasuke-kun," he croons.

"Get her out," Sasuke commands bitterly.

"Sasuke… Sasuke…" I gasp. "Sasuke… I…"

He looks down at me. For once, his midnight black eyes look human. Using an enormous amount of energy, I smile.

"Sasuke-kun… I never… loved you…"

The involuntary tears slowly trickle down his face.

"Because… friends are… forever." I can't stop smiling. I want Sasuke to remember me as a happy, beautiful girl, not as a mangled, bloody shinobi.

Sasuke looks away and Kabuto takes me roughly by the arms. With every amount of chakra I have left, I struggle to repair my broken heart. Kabuto throws me into the forest.

He smirks. "You were always Sasuke's weakness."

I lie on the ground, gasping for air. I know I can die here… until I remember Sai's words to me.

"_Promise me, when he gets revenge, read my letter."_

The letter… I have to read it…

I grab onto Kabuto's pant leg just as he is retreating. I just need… a little…

------------------------------

"If you can stream chakra into a body, isn't there a way to extract chakra?" I ask my medic sensei, Tsunade, curiously.

She looks at me in shock and bows her head.

"Never mind," I say, smiling.

"No, Sakura. There is a way."

"Hm?"

"The Life Charge."

"How?" I ask curiously.

"Don't use it. You may feel strong for an hour or two, but after that chakra high, your body cells will rapidly degenerate."

------------------------------

Sorry, sensei. I have to be selfish one more time.

Feeling the high amount of chakra pumping through his body, I use all my remaining strength and will to hungrily extract the energy from his leg. I use the same method as giving chakra to a body, but in reverse mode.

Kabuto cries out in surprise. "The Life Charge… How…" He faints from sudden chakra loss, but I know he's too strong to die.

The strength and warmth surges back into my body. One hour…

Desperately, frantically I put my newly acquired chakra to good use, arriving in Konoha just as the sun is sinking behind the mountains. I stumble through the darkening forest. I have to make it…

Blood splatters from my mouth, but I rebelliously continue my trek onwards. Finally… the clearing. It is just as beautiful as on the day that I came with Sai. Untouched, innocent, tranquil…

The tree…

I step onto the moist soil and feel around for the right spot. Here. Perfect. My figure is silhouetted in the moonlight, and suddenly, it feels like that unforgettable day of my childhood.

I remember the blood of that day… the desperation… the stench of death. Except today, it's the aroma of my oncoming death… it's my blood… and it's only my desperation.

My rapidly weakening fingers dig deep into the soft, cold soil. After much roaming, they finally find the hard and welcoming surface of the tube.

Quickly, I guide my trembling hand into the cylinder to extract the letters.

The chakra rush is quickly depleting. I have to read the letter… I have to know the truth… Fighting the angel of death, I sink down, leaning my back against the tree as support. With my strength-deprived hands, I unsteadily unfold Sai's paper. Using all the sanity left in my mind, I read his neat print.

_Sakura-chan,_

_My name is Uchiha Sai. I am the cousin of Uchiha Sasuke. My family was a branch family of the Uchiha clan, so we were shunned as outcasts. Even though the clan thought we were weak, Sasuke's brother and mine were extremely close. When I was almost nine, my brother worked together with Uchiha Itachi to kill the entire clan, except for Sasuke and me. However, unlike my cousin, I took revenge right away and killed my brother that same night. No one outside the clan knew of my identity, so I hid it._

_Sakura-chan, I liked you a lot, but I knew I would lose to someone of the main Uchiha family, so I retreated once I realized you cared only about Sasuke. If Itachi is dead now, please say congratulations to Sasuke. If you are reading this letter, meet me under this tree tomorrow afternoon at three. I will come everyday until I meet you again._

_Uchiha Sai_

The missing piece… I've finally found it.

I never loved either Uchiha. Sai was only a friend and teammate, Sasuke was only a weakness and attachment. Happiness and love were only illusions.

My breath is barely existent now. I've come to the end. Even the pain is just an overwhelming numb feeling. My eyes close. I smile. It all makes sense… It's all okay now… It will all be right when I wake up…

_Sasuke-kun… congratulations._

------------------------------

Sai stands over the body of his blood-stained pink-haired teammate. Her eyes are closed softly in a peaceful, wakeless sleep. He kneels down and takes the blood splattered letter from her limp hand. Recognizing his own handwriting, he ignites it, letting the ashes fall down to the ground.

"Sakura-chan, it's all okay now," he whispers to the sky.

Only the summer breeze greets his words.

He smiles.

------------------------------

Notes: IT'S OVER IT'S OVER IT'S OVER :O

Thank you everyone for reading faithfully to the end. I know the ending resolves almost NOTHING, but I like it for some reason XD I'm sorry if it's contradicting of the previous chapters or the manga, but it's really the best I could do. I'm gonna miss writing this fic D:

Again, thank you to all reviewers and readers for all your support throughout all ten chapters!


	11. Something More

**What I Wanted**

Chapter 11: Something More

Summary: sasuxsaku She weaved her bloody fingers in his. "We won't tell, will we?" "No, we won't, Sakura." This is our story, Sasuke's and mine.

------------------------------

The cold, thick rain drenched the tombstone of Haruno Sakura, the girl who could always hold my attention and care.

My name is Uchiha Sasuke and tomorrow, I will be Orochimaru. I will be a tool to his mission in domination and destruction; I will no longer be the Sasuke of Konoha. A month ago, a pink-haired shinobi came in search of my soul in a state of a mental breakdown. She wouldn't know how much she meant to me; she wouldn't know I hadn't meant any of those words.

The water soaks my dark blue shirt easily, but years of agonizing training taught me not to shiver. It's okay to cry because no one will be able to tell the difference between rain and tears, but my pride holds me back.

If only I could have discarded that pride, then maybe Sakura might be next to me now.

My fingers graze the top of the well-polished stone. Suddenly, footsteps behind me rouse my attention. I turn around, ready to kill whoever has found me, but relax immediately when I realize it's only Uzumaki.

Vaguely, I remember how much this boy had mattered to Sakura, how they had been best friends, and how many times I had wanted to strangle him.

He approaches in a black uniform, almost invisible against the dark midnight surroundings. His eyes are fixed on me. "Uchiha…" he growls, drawing his knife.

However, my advanced and agile movements are far too fast for him. The weapon pointed at me is soon pricking his own throat. He unexpectedly relaxes. "Kill me."

I slowly lower the knife from his life stream.

The blonde shinobi smirks at me. "How could you kill Sakura, but not me? Do you know… Do you know… Sakura-chan never loved Sai or me back just because of you. She never even thought about us. But do you know what it's like for me to live in this world without… without…" The pain chokes his throat.

I look away. I know what it's like, but it'll be over in a day.

"What did you… do to her?"

"I gave her sanctuary."

"Uchiha, you're disgusting."

"I couldn't do any more."

"What was she to you?"

I can't explain it in words. The emotions are indescribable.

"I don't know."

Red chakra surrounds his form as he charges at me with three kunai looped in his fingers. I close my eyes. The rain is so cold, but heaven is so warm…

And hell is just warmer.

I brace my body for the impact of pain, but it never comes. I open my eyes tentatively. A mysterious boy has grabbed Uzumaki's wrist in a tight hold. Through the water and darkness, I can see something familiar about him.

I can see me.

Sai.

At the sight of my own cousin, I am dumbstruck. After all these years, I have absolutely no idea what to say. His soft, unseeing expression does not say anything to me. Barely audible over the water splashing over my feet, he asks, "Why are you so weak? Did you do it because you couldn't take you own life?"

"Hn." I narrow my eyes. _No, because I couldn't think of an afterlife without Sakura._

"Sakura-chan… did she love you?"

_Sasuke… Sasuke… Sasuke… I…_

_Sasuke-kun… I never… loved you…_

"No." I struggle to keep my emotions inside. "Sakura…"

"Only looked at you," he finishes for me.

A lie, the truth. The line is slowly blurring.

"What did you do to each other?" Naruto asks dangerously.

I turn away from them.

"I don't know."

------------------------------

"It's time, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto drawls lazily from the doorway.

Silently, I stand up. I promised myself I would go through this willingly without a struggle, but every part of my mind is telling me that this is wrong.

As I step into the gloomily dark room, Orochimaru hisses, "Sasuke-kun…"

Wait. Before I go.

_Sakura-chan… What were we?_

No one could ever understand our relationship. It was like siblings; it was like lovers; it was like friends; it was like enemies; it was like sinners. I never loved Haruno Sakura, but I couldn't draw myself away from her.

At least in heaven, we could be together. At least we would be freed from this disgusting, selfish world.

Please, make my passing quickly.

_Sakura-chan… Maybe in the next lifetime… we can be innocent._

_Maybe we can be something more._

The snake coils around me, releasing me from this meaningless life.

------------------------------

Notes: Still don't get it? Me neither! Yay? This was supposed to be the epilogue xx;;

Basically, Sakura and Sasuke couldn't find what love really was. Sasuke killed Sakura because he knew he would die in a month at the hands of Orochimaru, and he wanted another chance with her in the afterlife or another lifetime. Also, he saw that she was already in a lot of pain because of him, so the only thing he could do was release her from that pain. Naruto and Sai loved Sakura, but she couldn't accept them because she was trying to find love for Sasuke. Nonetheless, she was still friends with them, which is why she bothered to say bye to them and why she felt that she had to read Sai's letter. And just because people like knowing the truth :D It's kind of an ambiguous ending, so you can analyze for yourself whether Sasuke and Sakura's relationship could be called love or if it was just attachment. Now that I think of it, it's really an interpretive story XD

Why did I make Sasuke so bad? Because he just looks like a bad, bad boy XD

Really over now? Yes. I have nothing else that I can write. HAHA. Sequel sounds good to me too, but unless I delete this chapter and make Sai bring Sakura back to life, I don't think that'll happen. HAHA XD Of course, if I get enough requests, I'll consider it ;D

Thank you for all the support even if you hated the ending with a passion :D

EDIT -----------------

The sequel, Something More, is out :D And no, Sakura and Sasuke do not magically come back to life XD I just started from right before Sakura dies, so yes :D Please enjoy!


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